This all came about from a conversation I was having a friend this week; Lifting weights has been more than just a physical challenge for me—it has been a cornerstone of mental resilience. I’ve been lifting heavy-ish on and off since I was 12, starting with a York Barbell and Bullworker (if you know, you know). Over the years, alongside my weightlifting, I’ve immersed myself in martial arts, sparred with skilled partners, and faced many tough moments—including literal street fights during my time in the hospitality industry. These experiences forged mental strength, but there’s something more profound at play.

In my 30s and early 40s, I hit my peak with heavy lifting. Although I can still challenge myself with decent numbers, I’ve chosen to scale back for joint health and recovery reasons. Now, what once felt light feels heavy again, but the difference is, I’ve gotten better at handling it. This is an analogy for life: it doesn’t get easier—you just get stronger both physically.

As Marcus Aurelius wisely said, “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.”

The grind in the gym prepared me for life’s toughest moments, giving me mental fortitude. Whether it’s pushing through adversity or knowing when to take a step back and rest, resilience is built one rep at a time. Seneca said, “Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body.”

The weight room and martial arts dojo instilled a gritty determination to keep moving forward. The time spent working on yourself—whether under a barbell or in a boxing ring—builds more than muscle; it shapes the mental grit to take on whatever life throws at you. Sun Tzu also reminds us, “In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity.”

Mental Health

I’ve worked with people who deal with severe depression, bipolar disorder, ADHD, and many who have had their fair share of off days. I lost my own mother to suicide when she was just 44. She masked her depression well, and that’s the danger of mental health—it can be hidden until it’s too late. Buddha said, “Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.” This resonates deeply when we think about the internal struggles people face.

We need to do everything we can to build our confidence and resilience. It doesn’t have to be weightlifting. For many in Yorkshire, it’s cycling, running, or hiking. A 52-year-old friend in London plays basketball to unwind after a long day, combining social interaction with physical activity. Another friend, 54, finds his balance in BJJ and cold-water swimming. Whatever your “thing” is, do it often, because life will always be tough, but these habits build resilience. Jiddu Krishnamurti said it well: “It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society.”

Reach Out, Talk, Seek Help

If you’re struggling, please find a way to talk to someone. Pick up the phone and call a friend. If it’s not you but someone else—a friend, family member, or colleague—reach out to them. Meet in person, check in, and offer support. And if it feels overwhelming, seek professional help. As Marcus Aurelius advised, “You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realise this, and you will find strength.”

For men who may not have a strong support network, consider connecting with groups like Wingmen, an organisation providing a lifeline for men to talk and support one another. Let’s break the outdated taboos. Men talk. Men cry. We don’t have to “man up” to fit anyone’s narrative—we just have to be human and support each other in our toughest times.

To end Matt Haig said “Mental health problems don’t define who you are.They are something you experience. You walk in the rain and you feel the rain, but, importantly, YOU ARE NOT THE RAIN.”